Family
1. Being single
Paul was single - let’s see what he wrote.
1 Corinthians chapter 7
Verses 7-8
7For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of (= from) God, one after this manner, and another after that.
8I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
Q - Why did Paul say that it’s good be single?
Verses 32-33
32But I would have you without carefulness (= free from cares / not anxious). He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
33But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.
A - Single men can FOCUS on the Kingdom of God.
So can single women:
Verses 34-35
34There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit:
but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
35And this I speak for your own profit (= for your own good); not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely (= a good way),
and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.
It takes time & energy to look after: a husband / a wife / children.
But single people can MAXIMISE their available time & energy to serve the Lord.
Further reading
1 Corinthians 7:37-38
2. Husbands - Five key points about our relationship with our wives
#1 - We should ENJOY being with our wives.
Ecclesiastes 9:9 ~ Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity (= your fleeting life) …
--> So if some of our interests are different: find something that we both enjoy doing.
Points #2 to #5 are in Malachi 2:14-15
Verse 14
14Yet ye say, Wherefore? (= Why?) Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously:
yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.
#2 - Our wife is our COMPANION.
Sometimes we can’t avoid being apart e.g. if we’re: away on a mission trip / in the armed forces / working on an oil rig etc.
But if at all possible - we should be together.
Example
My wife & I lived in a lovely part of the country.
But when my work moved me to the opposite end of the UK, we quickly decided to sell our house and both make the move, rather than be separated for long periods.
#3 - We made a COVENANT with our wives (vs. 14) and we must NEVER BREAK a covenant.
Further reading
'Covenant' message on WholeCounselofGod.com
Verse 15
15And did not He make one? Yet had He the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That He might seek a godly seed.
Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.
#4 - God made husband & wife to be ONE.
Husbands & wives are different.
But God put us together - to complement each other.
Like a knife & fork are different - but they work much better together.
#5 - God expects us to be LOYAL & FAITHFUL to our wife. (vs. 15)
There’s no excuse not to do this.
We must let the Bible - not the media / other people - define our standards.
3. Wives - Three key lessons
#1 - Relationship to husbands
Ephesians 5:22-24
22Wives, submit yourselves unto (= obey / be subject to) your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the Saviour of the body.
24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
1 Corinthians 11:3 ~ But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
--> So the order of headship should be:
God
Husband
Wife
Further reading
Genesis 3:16
Numbers 30:6-13
Proverbs 19:13
1 Peter 3:1 & 5-6
Q: What happens if we try to CHANGE God’s order?
A : God takes away His blessing --> Life goes wrong.
It's like driving on the wrong side of the road --> confusion & danger.
#2 - But see what else God said - in Genesis 2:18 & 21-24
Verse 18
18And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet (= a helper suitable) for him.
Q - Ladies: Do men need helping? A - Yes!
Q - Men: Do we need helping? A - Yes!
Verses 21-24
21And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof (= closed up the place with flesh);
22And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
23And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
24Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
--> Woman came:
Not out of man’s head to rule over him.
Nor out of man’s feet to be stood on by him.
But from under man’s HEART - to be LOVED by him.
Husbands & wives have:
EQUAL - importance.
DIFFERENT - skills, roles & temperaments.
#3 - To be a housewife / mother is a really good thing: but it’s hard work!
Proverbs 31 contains a challenging checklist for wives - not to make anyone feel inadequate, but to guide wives into God’s ways.
This checklist is also useful for husbands - do we appreciate our wives as we should?
Proverbs 31
Verses 10-12
10Who can find a virtuous woman (= excellent / of noble character)? For her price is far above rubies.
11The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil (= lacks nothing of value).
12She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
--> A good wife is more valuable than precious stones / the crown jewels.
--> A husband with a good wife is really blessed.
Verses 13-15
13She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
14She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
15She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat (= food) to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
--> A good wife works hard and looks after her family.
--> She feeds them well.
Verses 16-19
16She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17She girdeth her loins with strength (= she works vigorously), and strengtheneth her arms.
18She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
19She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff (spindles & distaffs are sticks used when spinning textiles).
--> A good wife makes sensible use of her: time, money & energy.
Verse 20
20She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
--> She helps those in need.
Verse 21
21She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
--> A good wife makes sure that her family are well-clothed.
Verses 22-24
22She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
23Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
24She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles (= belts / sashes to hold things) unto the merchant.
--> Her handiwork is of good quality.
Verses 25-26
25Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
--> A good wife is wise & kind.
Verse 27
27She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
--> She’s not lazy, nor does she waste her time.
Verse 28
28Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
--> Her husband & children appreciate and speak well of her!
Verses 29-31
29Many daughters have done virtuously (= nobly), but thou excellest them all.
30Favour (= charm) is deceitful (= deceptive), and beauty is vain (= empty & useless: because it’s fleeting): but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
31Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
--> A good wife who fears the Lord, is more valuable than a wife who only has physical beauty:
Because physical beauty often decays.
But good character / inner beauty lasts into eternity.
Further reading
Proverbs 12:4
1 Peter 3:3-5
4. Marriage
Q - What is marriage?
A - For many years, this notice hung in UK Registry Offices:
“Marriage is the union of one man and one woman for life, to the exclusion of all others.”
--> Marriage is not just for a few years, it’s a lifelong commitment.
--> We commit ourselves to our husband / wife - to the exclusion of anyone else.
This is what Jesus said in Matthew 19
Verses 4-5
4And He answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that He which made them at the beginning made them male and female,
5And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave (= glue) to his wife: and they twain (= two) shall be one flesh?
--> Jesus quoted from Genesis 2:24
--> Marriage is GOD'S IDEA - so it’s GOOD!
Further reading
Revelation 19:6-9
Verse 6
6Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder (= break apart).
--> When God joins a husband & wife together, NO-ONE should separate them:
That would be like smashing a plate into two parts.
A plate in two parts is useless, compared to a plate which is still whole!
Further reading
Proverbs 18:22, 19:14
Matthew 5:31-32
Mark 10:6-9
1 Corinthians 7:10-11
5. Ideal relationship between husbands & wives - Ephesians 5
Verse 25
25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it.
Q - How much does Jesus love His church?
A - Enough to go to the Cross: so that’s how much we should love our wives.
Verses 28-29
28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church.
--> Because husbands & wives are now ‘one flesh’, husbands should love their wives as MUCH as they love their OWN bodies.
Verse 33
33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
--> Wives should honour & respect their husbands.
Genesis 26:8 ~ And it came to pass, when he (= Isaac) had been there a long time, that Abimelech king of the Philistines looked out at a window, and saw,
and, behold, Isaac was sporting with (= caressing) Rebekah his wife.
--> We should caress each other, and make time to be together.
We should be romantic, and not take each other for granted.
Little things can mean a lot (husbands - buy flowers!).
Further reading
Genesis 29:11 (kissing at a very early stage of a relationship)
6. Q - Where do temptations to commit: adultery, fornication (= sex outside of marriage) & homosexual activities come from?
A - From the devil.
He tries to plant these (and other) evil temptations in people’s minds:
Ephesians 2:2-3
2Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience:
3Among whom also we all had our conversation (= behavior / way of life) in times past in the lusts of our flesh,
fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others.
Q - Why does the devil tempt us to sin?
A - Because he wants to trick people into going to hell (his own destination), by getting them to disobey God's laws.
Further reading
Genesis 3:1-4
Luke 4:2
John 8:44
Acts 5:16
1 Corinthians 7:2-5
1 Thessalonians 3:5
1 John 3:8
7. Q - What will God do to those who give in to temptations from the devil and commit sexual sin?
Much of society & the media think that these acts are OK, and have no negative consequences.
But God doesn’t:
God will forgive all of our sins - if we repent.
But if we don’t repent of these (and other) sins - Righteous God (who sees & knows everything) must punish us when we die, according to His laws:
1 Corinthians 6:9-11
9Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the Kingdom of God? Be not deceived:
neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,
10Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers (= those who verbally abuse), nor extortioners, shall inherit the Kingdom of God.
11And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.
--> If we don't go to God's Kingdom (Heaven) when we die - then we'll go to Hell:
Jude 1:7 ~ Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh,
are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.
Further reading
Genesis 19:1-28, 20:3
Exodus 20:14
Leviticus 18:22 then 24-25 & 27-30; 20:13 then 23
Deuteronomy 22:5, 23:17
Judges 19:14-25 then Hosea 9:9
1 Kings 14:22-26, 15:11-12, 22:42-46
2 Kings 23:2-3, then 7, then 25
Proverbs chapter 5, 6:23-33, chapter 7, 9:13-18, 23:27-28
Malachi 3:5
Matthew 5:27-29
Luke 18:20
Romans 1:22-32
1 Corinthians 10:6 then 8
1 Timothy 1:9-10
Hebrews 13:4
2 Peter 2:12-14
8. There's always a way to escape temptations from the devil
1 Corinthians 10:13 ~ There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer (= not allow) you to be tempted above that ye are able;
but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
We just need to: look away / walk away / think good & wholesome thoughts instead.
And if we resist temptation - God will bless us:
James 1:12-16
12Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love Him.
13Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth He any man:
14But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
15Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
16Do not err, my beloved brethren.
Further reading
Proverbs 1:10
Matthew 26:41 / Mark 14:38 / Luke 22:40 & 46
1 Corinthians 6:18
Colossians 3:5
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 & 7
‘Becoming more like Jesus’ message on WholeCounselofGod.com
9. Having children
Psalm 127:3-5
3Lo, children are an heritage (= a gift) of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is His reward.
4As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the (= of one's) youth.
5Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with (= answer / subdue) the enemies in the gate.
--> Having children makes us happy - because we’re following God’s plan for mankind:
Genesis 9:1 ~ And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.
It’s also great to have grandchildren:
Proverbs 17:6 ~ Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers (= parents are the pride of their children).
Further reading
Genesis 1:28, 9:7
Deuteronomy 25:5-6
1 Samuel 1:1-10, 2:20-21
Nehemiah 9:23
Matthew 18:5 / Mark 9:36-37 / Luke 9:47-48
10. How we behave as parents has consequences for our children - Positive or Negative
A. POSITIVE
If we obey God --> God will bless our children.
2 Kings 10:30 ~ And the LORD said unto Jehu, Because thou hast done well in executing that which is right in Mine eyes,
and hast done unto the house of Ahab according to all that was in Mine heart, thy children of the fourth generation shall sit on the throne of Israel.
--> Because Jehu OBEYED God: God BLESSED Jehu’s descendants and made them kings.
(Fulfilled in 2 Kings chapters 10, 13 & 15)
This doesn’t mean that everything will be perfect in our children’s lives - even the descendants of Jehu sometimes behaved badly.
But our children will have better lives than if we don’t obey God.
If we obey God - our children’s lives will be more like ‘cycling downhill’ rather than having to ‘cycle uphill’!
Further reading
Psalms 103:17-18, 112:1-2
Proverbs 20:7
B. NEGATIVE
But if we disobey God --> Our children will have to ‘cycle uphill’ through life.
Hosea 4:6 ~ My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to Me:
seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children.
Further reading
Exodus 20:3-5
11. How children treat their parents has consequences for the children - Positive or Negative
A. POSITIVE
... consequences of treating parents well.
Ephesians 6:1-3
1Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
2 Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;)
3That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
--> If children treat their parents WELL: God causes things to go well for the children.
Q - Why?
A - Because this is in line with His plan.
Whenever we align ourselves with God’s plans - HE BLESSES US!
Further reading
Exodus 20:12
Leviticus 19:3
Proverbs 1:8-9, 6:20-23, 13:1
Luke 2:51-52, 18:20
John 2:1-11
B. NEGATIVE
...consequences of treating parents badly.
Deuteronomy 27:16 ~ Cursed be he that setteth light by (= despises) his father or his mother. And all the people shall say, Amen.
--> If children treat parents BADLY: God will cause things to go badly for the children.
Q - Why?
A - Because this goes against His plan.
Whenever we go AGAINST God’s plans - He causes things to go BADLY for us!
Further reading
Exodus 21:17
Leviticus 20:9
Proverbs 15:5, 20:20, 30:17
Malachi 4:5-6
Matthew 15:4 / Mark 7:10
12. God puts us in our family so that we'll have company
Psalm 68:6 ~ God setteth the solitary in families …
--> Otherwise - we’d be living in a big, lonely world!
A family should provide its members with:
Security - where the whole family can feel safe from the pressures of the world.
Acceptance and a sense of belonging. (Membership of the family should never be called into question.)
If a family doesn’t provide these things - people will look elsewhere for them e.g. by joining a gang or in bars / pubs etc.
13. Q - But what if we don't have a family?
Psalm 68:5 ~ A Father of the fatherless, and a Judge (= protector) of the widows, is God in His holy habitation.
A - God is our Father: so we’re never alone!
Further reading
Psalm 27:10
14. Families help us through the tough times
Proverbs 17:17 ~ A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
Three examples from the Bible:
After the four kings captured Lot & his family - Uncle Abraham went to rescue them. (Genesis 14:12-16)
When the Amalekites captured his family from Ziklag - David went to save them. (1 Samuel 30:1-19)
Mordecai brought up his cousin Esther - who was an orphan. (Esther 2:5-7)
ILLUSTRATION
It’s like being on a long road-trip - the line is ALWAYS THERE in the middle of the road, through all the:
Straight sections.
And also the bendy bits.
In the same way - our families are always there, THROUGHOUT OUR LIFE:
In the good times.
And also in the challenging times.
All families can have problems:
A strong family isn’t one that doesn’t have any problems.
But one which gets through the problems together.
Further reading
Isaiah 58:7
15. We also need to strike the right balance
Matthew 10:37 ~ He that loveth father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.
--> We should love Jesus more than we love our family.
--> HE should always have FIRST place in our life.
We need to spend time together as a family.
But if God wants us somewhere else, there’s no point staying at home - we’ll just end up: wasting time, arguing & not enjoying ourselves!
Further reading
Matthew 19:29 / Mark 10:29-30
‘Focussing our life on the right things’ message on WholeCounselofGod.com
16. Let's finish by reminding ourselves of God's advice for the whole family
Luke 1:17 ~ And he (= John the Baptist) shall go before Him (= Jesus) in the spirit and power of Elias (= Elijah),
to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just; to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.
Colossians 3:18-21
18Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
19Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
20Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.
21Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
Amen